The center of all things.

When I was young I learned that I was not the center of things in my life.  Though my family loved me and gave me many gifts, I never felt more special or important than anyone else in the family and always felt that my parents were the “most important” members of our family for what they knew, what they had done and what they provided to us children.  Even as I grew older and went out on my own to start my own family, they always still had this slightly exalted position in my eyes.  Not that I agreed with what they said or shared all their values, but they always seemed to have earned a higher status, again in my eyes.  Then I look at my children and see them as the center of their own worlds.  Yes they love their parents and even at times respect our opinions and seek them out, but they were raised to be the “most important people” in the family. By that I mean not that they were directly told that, but that they were always the center of what we did and why we did it, with few exceptions.  They had rules and were expected to be good, but they were placed at the center of the family.  I didn’t do it because I read it somewhere, but I just felt that that was what should be done.  So where does that put them now?  They are young adults, insecure in many ways, still trying to figure out how to live and who to listen to.  They are not that much different than I was early in my adulthood.   They will be fine

Putting it Out There

My friends, I do post political stuff on occasion, I try not to do name calling unless I back it up with facts or it’s really funny, but mostly I talk about issues like the minimum wage, gun issues, income inequality, health care, education costs and current social issues that mean something to me.  I normally put up a thought or page I have seen that made me think about the issue and look into it further.  I really try to think of the impacts on both sides of the issue and what each side’s knee jerk response and then look at it through my life and values and then kind of ask what others think. 

 I often get back positive and negative responses, but as long as they are thoughtful and not just a regurgitation of talking points, or not backed by actual history or facts.  I respect your opinions, but when I see the actual words on my page from NRA, CPAC, GOP stuff I have seen elsewhere, I wonder if you have really thought it out yourself.  I know, I am a progressive, liberal, democrat, commie or whatever label you would like to put on me for a position I have taken.  Once you label me that, you stop listening and just look for a place to pounce with your carefully crafted talking points that cover no new territory and show no desire to have an exchange of thoughts.  You may not know this, but there are people paid by parties to troll the internet and throw these talking points on discussion pages when they see anything progressive expressed.  See if you can get a job there, but my posts are for thinking people who want to examine, not for you to express yours in total contrary.  If you feel a need to do that, just post “Wrong” and we will know how you feel.  If you continue to say it I will eventually ignore you.  I know, censorship, but then you can label me a facist, nazi, racist, powerhungry, dictator and it will make about as much sense. 

 Life is too short to yell at each other, so instead of telling me I am an idiot to believe what I do on my own page, ignore me as well.  But if you do, I wish you well and hope you will find peace in your life.

End of Days

Been thinking about end of life lately.  Friends and relatives passing tends to do that to you.  So many of my friends have lost one or both parents, or are having to prepare for the end as health issues and quality of life issues get more critical for our folks.  Lost my dad in 2004 and mom’s memory of the past is gone now.  It’s that whole circle of life thing, with our kids starting families, parents passing on and us having health and early aging issues, while still providing help for our parents now and kids as needed.  It’s always been this way, for our parents, their parents and on back in time.  It feels comforting to be a part of this pattern of life on the planet for me.  Like being part of a flowing river or the wind blowing through the trees.  Each little drop or air molecule doing its part in a bigger movement that has gone on as long as time.  Some think this makes their own life inconsequential, but I think it makes it that much more beautiful.  Beautiful in that we can see and do so much in the time we are given to touch others, take care of others, see, hear, do and enjoy life and also in the whole majesty of life.  Yes I miss and grieve for family, friends and even pets passing, but I also want to celebrate their existence and remember for as long as I can.  When it is my time, I hope to go with a fond regard for what I have lived and no regrets for what I have not.  I have to say, I feel very grateful at this point in life and believe I am ready when my time comes.  And if that time was tomorrow, I hope you will remember my crazy ramblings with a degree of fondness as well.

How old am I?

How old am I?  You’ve probably heard the rhetorical question about how old you would think you are if you didn’t know (and didn’t have a mirror handy!)  Being a person prone to self-reflection, I wondered how old I would think I am.  Like most men, I do have a bit of a 12 year old that peeks out on occasion. I am also in decent health, stay fairly active, am open to learning about new things and observant.  Those traits keep me from being too much of a “grumpy old man”.  My dad, when he was still alive often joked about the “old people” in his church, who he would find later to be the same age or even younger than he was.  So in his 70 and early 80’s he felt younger than he imagined he should feel at 70+.  He also stayed active until his last year .  But I am turning 60 this year.  That is a milestone, for sure.  I retired a few years back, another milestone.  I started wearing glasses in my late 30’s, was diagnosed with borderline high blood pressure a few years back and had other aches and issues associated with a person of my age.  I would have said that I feel younger than my years, or that I am younger at heart than others my age, but that is making assumptions that are not necessarily true, just a bit self serving and maybe a bit of self denial as well.  No, I feel almost 60. I am bald, grey haired (what’s left), I have  to fight the various issues of age and am seen as an “old guy” by the majority of people I run into daily.  I’m ok with that, I earned it.  Yes, I will keep watching my weight, working out, taking vitamins, learning about new things, but I am no longer young.  I will be lucky to have 10 more good years (without serious health issues, loss of some ability I have now, etc.)  I am ok with that too.  Sure I could live 20-30 more years, but probably only about 10 will allow the level of activity and functioning and freedom from serious medical  concerns I have now.  So I plan on making the most of the next 10 while I can.  I will try to enjoy every day I have and not plan too far in the future for the stuff I really want to do. Not bad advice at any age.

My Spiritual Journey

My Spiritual Journey

Or how I went from full-time Baptist to “here”  in my life.

One of my first memories is of standing in a crib in the nursery of Central Baptist Church in Lawton, OK waiting for my mom to get me to go home and have Sunday lunch.  I grew up in that church, going Sunday morning and night, Wednesday night, church socials, retreats and camps and socializing with church friends.  I had friends in the neighborhood that attended other churches, including one catholic, but got all my religious instruction at the feet of my parents and the Baptist church.  I sang in the choir, had crushes on the girls in church, played and socialized primarily with church people much of my life. I knew all the bible stories and had read enough verses over that time that I had it pretty much down. 

But I remember, things I heard from early in my church life not making sense to me.  When I asked my parents, they tried to explain why those things were as stated in the bible and Baptist dogma, or even to tell me that I had to have faith and just believe them.  But I was told in school about the scientific advances that resulted from questioning and looking at different possibilities to make break thru and wondered why the same rationale did not apply to religion.  I didn’t understand why babies in Africa had to go to hell, why other religions were wrong, or why Jesus would allow hell to exist if he truly loved us.  When I was around ten or eleven, I realized all my Sunday School mates had all gone down front to publicly profess their faith and “be saved”.  I wondered why I wasn’t and asked but could not get beyond the “you will know” or “a feeling of peace/grace will come over you” or other such platitudes.  I felt like an outsider in my family and my church and saw that I would be left behind if something did not happen.  I prayed, I tried to mentally get to a state that would feel special.  Do you know that feeling you can get when chills run down your spine, or your hair on your arms stand up, or you feel a sense of euphoria (OK, it could be like the feeling you get from sexual excitement, or hearing stirring music, or hearing something that creates that feeling)?  We had a church revival with some traveling preacher and I was standing with friends down front after some fun activity and during the invitation I was able to tap into the euphoria and convinced myself that this was the holy spirit, or Jesus or something that made it OK for me to say, “I’m saved” but in reality I was unchanged.  To my saved family and friends, I hope this does not bring you sadness about my soul being lost, but it is just the truth. Or as I told my sister when she shared her religious experience, “it just didn’t take.”

So from about 10 to 18 I sang songs, went to sermons (normally bored) listened to stories and went to Sunday school.  I parroted the right things back at the right times, but I never felt different nor even connected to the stories or the word.  In my high school years they would bring in things from other religions and basically use the opportunity to say, “these other religions are different and wrong, let’s laugh at their funny garments, practices or beliefs”.  The point was clear, “we are right, they are wrong. We are going to heaven, they are going to hell.”  It seemed kinda presumptuous to me and my brain immediately said, “but wouldn’t they think the same about us?”  I took a world history class from Ms Watts, where she talked about other major world religions like Muslims, Hindus and Buddists.  Their beliefs were even more different and strange, but for them as valid as ours.  They are all just different stories of how we got here and why we are here.  I was attracted to the Hindu belief of “many paths to the mountaintop” as accepting the validity of all faith, but then the knowledge of all the wars, persecution and suffering inflicted in the name of religion by all faiths was disappointing.  As I was learning about other would religious views I never felt a hunger or need for any of them, but I also never felt a need within myself to have religious views to be complete and happy.  But I didn’t want to insult my friends and family, so I kept my views to myself with those people.  They were, after all, my beliefs.

I also found that I enjoyed partying with friends, making fun of convention, laughing and chasing girls (mostly unsuccessfully).  I tried to be a good person and not hurt others and as I went to college I thought a lot about what it meant to be a good person.  Not by some label, religious faith, title or words I would speak, but by how I acted and felt about others.  I guess I am still on that journey of trying to be a better person and not be hurtful to others.  Sometimes I miss, and for that I am sorry.  And for my religious friends, I am not saying you are wrong, only that your beliefs are wrong for me.  I wish you well and for you to have peace for all your days.  That’s what I am working towards.

Sticks and Stones

You ever noticed how the internet seems to have encouraged people of all walks to say just dreadful things about others?  I never was a big fan of George W, but I also did not call him anything like what people I know and otherwise respect, have called Obama.  I get on a motorcycle chat line in craigslist and people can say really nasty things about people they don’t know.  I am not religious, but I remember “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” and “judge not lest ye be judged”.  And growing up I was told “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything” and “don’t criticize until you have walked a mile in the others shoes”.  What happened to that value?  Why are we so quick to judge and condemn based on what we read, hear or feel, without knowing the facts or looking for mitigating factors.  I know this sounds a bit naïve but why must we allow ourselves to sink to the level of name calling when we can just argue our points but respect the other.  My brother-in-law, Dave and I are just about polar opposites on our politics, but I really enjoy discussing our view points without anger, respecting each other and at the end I always feel good about our exchanges and our relationship. So to my  friends, know that I respect your arguments and viewpoints and I appreciate it when you give your rationale for your beliefs, but understand that others have differing viewpoints and that does not make us wrong or not your friends.

Money, money, money

How much is enough?  When it comes to wealth, it seems the answer is: it is never enough.  Why is it that the more a person has the more they want?  Greed is a handy answer and I have probably used it, but I think it is much more complicated than that.  Money/wealth is power, either real power or the sense of power over ones environment.  And maybe that is the real driver.  If one has enough money they can control everything from their own life experiences to laws passed by the government.  Oh yeah, there is lots of things included in that range, but it all seems to me the objective is the same.  We want to ensure that we never have to worry about anything material, that our children and their children will never want for anything, that we can go where we want, how we want and when we want.  We want to protect ourselves and the ones we love from want, fear and sickness. 

But how much money does it take to “control our environment” like this?  In reality, we can never control everything.  People get sick, have accidents, markets crash, kids run away and things go bad sometimes.  And money ends up consuming us with more and more concern about keeping it and keeping reality and things that want to take away our wealth at bay.  Maslow talked about the human ”hierarchy of needs”  1. Physiological, 2. Safety, 3. Love/belonging, 4. Esteem, 5. Self-actualization, in that order.    So many people with lots of money find themselves stuck in the first two levels and striving for the third and missing.  Their obsession with what they have and wanting to keep what they have ends up getting between them and feeling loved and a part of something.  Those that are lucky to have family and friends who really love and accept them for more than just their wealth are a lucky few who then strive to be valued for their success or contributions and a very few may reach self-actualization.  You could certainly argue that money can buy the first two and an illusion of the third, but not the last two and may actually hamper your ability to reach self-actualization.  Just giving money to some charity, no matter how worthy doesn’t get you there, and if the only reason you are doing it is to be well regarded, as a tax haven or other self interest, then you missed it from the start. 

But money does begat more money.  When you reach a certain level of wealth, things start being free to you, especially if you are well known.  Discounts for large purchases, the use of cash versus credit special offers for favored customers and then there are the tax laws.  The top tax rate from WW II until the early 60’s was 91%, when it was changed to 70%, then to 50% in 1978 and kept getting lower until 1986 when it went to 28% for the wealthiest Americans.  And as we saw last year, the wealthy have so many havens and exceptions, they really pay less than 20% in income taxes.  I am not going to argue here if that is right or wrong, but the tax laws are drafted by and for the wealthy.  It’s a fact, not an opinion.  There are really two sets of rules for the wealthy and for the rest of Americans in much of the world of commerce.  Yes, I know they pay a large percentage of the taxes taken, but that is because they are so stinking rich that even 15% of their income is a large number.  And anyone who thinks the “no new taxes” push has anything to do with the middle class is not paying attention.  The rules favor the rich, they write the rules and they don’t want to pay any more for bridges, roads, education, technology, etc unless it is for their own kids.  And the shrinking of the middle class and growth of the lowest economic levels doesn’t bother them a bit.  I am not saying they are uncaring or that they don’t give to charitable entities, quite the contrary, they give more dollars to churches, charities and non-profits than everyone else.  They are giving to things that mean something to them personally.  It might be their college, the cancer foundation named for their lost loved one or even a local church they used to attend. 
As a matter of fact, they are much more informed of the work of those they contribute to than most of us are.  But the stuff that has to be paid for by taxes, not so much.

I see a fear in the wealthy.  A fear of losing it all.  Maybe that is what drove them to be so successful (unless daddy gave it to them).  Maybe it is the fear of being one of “us” that drives them to work hard, amass more and more wealth, when they really have everything they could possibly want.  They fear the lack of control of their environment will result in disaster.  This is level 2 according to Maslow.  They are afraid someone will take it away from them be it the taxman, the poor, the immigrants, lawyers, whoever.  So, though they are rich in money and things, they are poor in terms of what we know really is important which is peace.  OK, not going to the hippy/no war place, I mean they have no peace in their lives and minds because worrying about your net worth is hard.  It keeps you up at nights, gives you ulcers, makes you jumpy.  I think it is a sickness, this desire for more and more wealth.  Like an addiction you can never truly feed and for which there is never enough.  Does that mean, I feel sorry for the wealthy, maybe a little.  Do I envy them?  Not a bit.  I have my basic needs met, I feel as safe as you can in tornado alley, I feel loved and valued and I am working on that last level, not there yet.  Do I wish I had more money to take care of emergencies, sure but it doesn’t keep me up at night and I wouldn’t trade where I am with where the wealthy are.  And regardless of the tax rates, political party in control and government spending, they will always be wealthy and running the government.  So to be at peace, I need to be at peace with that.